If Traffic Had A Face I Would Punch It

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Postpartum Shoe Depression/If Traffic Had A Face I Would Punch It

Postpartum Shoe Depression…

If Traffic Had A Face I Would Punch It

If postpartum shoe depression was a real clinical diagnosis, then I most certainly have it.

When I was pregnant my husband bought me a sexy pair of shoes at Christmas time and I was ecstatic. I am a woman so of course I love ridiculously uncomfortable shoes as long as they look good when I wear them. This time however, I could not stand to squish my bloated, pregnant, sausage feet into these bad boys. With mile high heels and sparkles all over, these shoes are what dreams are made of.

These shoes were begging to be worn. They were going to be my motivation, the prize at the end of my pregnancy. I could not wait until the day came that I could strut around in these bedazzled beauties.

Well here I am, still patiently awaiting the return of my feet.

Is this some sort of joke?

I wasn’t prepared for the metamorphosis the rest of the body went through before, during and after pregnancy, let alone the craziness that was going on with my feet. No one told me my feet would swell up like balloons and permanently grow an additional ten inches in length. If I were a man this may be considered good news, but alas, I am not and therefore all this means is that every pair of beautiful heels I once loved and cherished have now become my arch enemy…in the most literal sense of the term.

It’s as though our bodies have a genetic predisposition to evolve after pregnancy and reject shoes on our feet that are not sensible. This way we are better equipped to safely chase babies around. Thanks to this crazy science stuff my body is now hard-wired to scream “Code loafer!” if I so much as blink near a pair of heels.

This is how it starts. You know, the stereotypical mom attire that you swear to god you will never give in to. If I am forced to give in to this whole dressing for comfort stuff, then just go ahead and toss me a pair of those high-waisted mom jeans now. Preferably a pair with enough crotch room to be able to pull them up over my head so I can hide my face from the horror of it all.

Who am I and where did my heel loving self run off to? Loafers and flats and sneakers? oh my! Boat shoes have a non-slip sole so they are an excellent choice for those days when I’m feeling extra weepy. Wouldn’t want to slip on my puddle of tears!

Yes, my Christmas Shoes made me cry a little, but it wasn’t because I was meeting baby Jesus. Nope, please join me in a moment of silence because tonight I am mourning the loss of my fashion sense.

Glass Slipper Giant Feet Postpartum Shoe Depression

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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7 thoughts on “Postpartum Shoe Depression…

  1. Sasha says:

    Although I am sorry for your foot change I am also so happy to know I am not the only one!! I am a huge gym fanatic who always wears the cute tight gym attire and awesome tennis shoes. However my tennis shoes are now clown shoes and the first time I realized it I had to keep myself from crying right in the middle if the shoe store!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. hahaha! I’m sure your sneakers look beautiful! But, yes, I am right there with you! Seriously, my feet are like the ugly stepsisters in the Cinderella movie. That scene when they try and jam them into the tiny beautiful slipper but it clearly isn’t happening 😦 😦

      Like

  2. Slparke says:

    Ummm I just told my husband last night that motherhood has done nothing positive for my looks! I’m constantly covered in spit up, barely showered and most days I look like a ragamuffin! I too, miss my previous fashion self! And my cute Coach and designer shoes that once fit! WTH?! Lol

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I certainly don’t leave the house looking like a movie star these days! I’m lucky if my hair is brushed…I had to leave a deodorant stick at my office because I’ve forgotten to use it so many times due to the morning scramble! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Slparke says:

        I feel like I look like sh*t daily! I’m almost to the point of not caring! LOL

        Like

  3. Anonymous says:

    Khakis are next!

    Liked by 1 person

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