If postpartum shoe depression was a real clinical diagnosis, then I most certainly have it.
When I was pregnant my husband bought me a sexy pair of shoes at Christmas time and I was ecstatic. I am a woman so of course I love ridiculously uncomfortable shoes as long as they look good when I wear them. This time however, I could not stand to squish my bloated, pregnant, sausage feet into these bad boys. With mile high heels and sparkles all over, these shoes are what dreams are made of.
These shoes were begging to be worn. They were going to be my motivation, the prize at the end of my pregnancy. I could not wait until the day came that I could strut around in these bedazzled beauties.
Well here I am, still patiently awaiting the return of my feet.
Is this some sort of joke?
I wasn’t prepared for the metamorphosis the rest of the body went through before, during and after pregnancy, let alone the craziness that was going on with my feet. No one told me my feet would swell up like balloons and permanently grow an additional ten inches in length. If I were a man this may be considered good news, but alas, I am not and therefore all this means is that every pair of beautiful heels I once loved and cherished have now become my arch enemy…in the most literal sense of the term.
It’s as though our bodies have a genetic predisposition to evolve after pregnancy and reject shoes on our feet that are not sensible. This way we are better equipped to safely chase babies around. Thanks to this crazy science stuff my body is now hard-wired to scream “Code loafer!” if I so much as blink near a pair of heels.
This is how it starts. You know, the stereotypical mom attire that you swear to god you will never give in to. If I am forced to give in to this whole dressing for comfort stuff, then just go ahead and toss me a pair of those high-waisted mom jeans now. Preferably a pair with enough crotch room to be able to pull them up over my head so I can hide my face from the horror of it all.
Who am I and where did my heel loving self run off to? Loafers and flats and sneakers? oh my! Boat shoes have a non-slip sole so they are an excellent choice for those days when I’m feeling extra weepy. Wouldn’t want to slip on my puddle of tears!
Yes, my Christmas Shoes made me cry a little, but it wasn’t because I was meeting baby Jesus. Nope, please join me in a moment of silence because tonight I am mourning the loss of my fashion sense.
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