Nothing will welcome more unsolicited advice into your life than a child of your own. Even before it is born people around you and complete strangers are compelled to tell you some profound and worldly, never before used tips that they believe will change your life for the better.
Have you ever noticed that most of the time these words of wisdom are as useless as the nipples on a dude? You’ve heard it all, and more than half of the time the tip they choose to give you is just some generic quote that doesn’t really leave you with any substance, for instance, when people say “it is what it is“.
I do not give unsolicited advice to others, but if I ever did, I would offer some insight that is a little more specific than that.
So here, I made a list of things people have said to me at various points in the past and picked my top 10 cliché tips and phrases reinterpreted by myself as a way to relate them to life with a child:
1) It is what it is. But sometimes you don’t know what it is and in those situations I recommend washing your hands if you’ve touched it.
2) Expect the unexpected. The unexpected peep show at any given time. Quite literally. You thought changing in gym class was awkward? Wait until your kid swings open the public bathroom stall while you are midstream.
3) This too shall pass…Gas. Your baby will pass lots of gas and it will stink terribly.
4) Life goes on…and so do temper tantrums. Sometimes for an entire evening.
5) Prepare for the worst. The worst you will ever look in your entire life. Seriously, when was the last time you showered?
6) Hope for the best. The best night of sleep possible.
7) Nothing is guaranteed in life…except shitty diapers.
8) What’s yours is mine…because everything is mine according to the selfish 2 year old.
9) It’s always something. It’s always something ridiculous that sets off the waterworks. Reasons my daughter has cried: she couldn’t see the moon (it was broad daylight), she couldn’t find her belly button (she was wearing a onesie), she wanted me to take my glasses off (I wouldn’t listen), and so on and so on.
10) It takes a village to raise a child…if you are a polygamist.
If you would welcome a village raising your child then you most certainly can’t ever complain about receiving unsolicited advice.
Find me on Twitter @PunchItErin
Like My Facebook Page https://www.facebook.com/iftraffichadafaceiwouldpunchit