If Traffic Had A Face I Would Punch It

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moms do gross things if traffic had a face i would punch it

Moms Are Gross, Period.

If Traffic Had A Face I Would Punch It

No, despite what you are thinking, this isn’t an entire post dedicated to your mom’s disgusting “Aunt Flo”. This is my sequel to Kids Are Gross, Period.

You see, there’s a tendency to deflect a lot of the attention away from yourself and onto the gross things your kids do. Have you ever really stopped to observe a mom in her natural habitat? It’s not glamorous, and I’ve read enough blog posts to solidify the fact that Moms do gross things too. I am not hiding behind my daughter anymore. I am taking full responsibility for my own contribution to grossness in our society!

I picked a booger today and it wasn’t my own. I saw it and I just went for it. It was strangely instinctual, second nature even. It was the “I was born on this earth to pick boogers” kind of natural. It was just sitting there on my daughters nose as she approached me today. I say on because it was not in her nose, it was hitching a ride on top of it.

My mom alarm sounded and I used my bare hands to lift it off of her precious little face and flick it to the dirt where it belonged. How dare you attach yourself to my kid! A bird may very well have scooped it up for nest-building supplies by now. That bird would hit the jackpot because I imagine boogers to be highly pliable material. That’s going to be one solid nest. Recycling is pretty cool too, so that’s a bonus right?

There were witnesses present while I peeled that booger and I didn’t even care. We just kept on trucking with our conversation like it wasn’t happening.

You see moms do stuff like this and it is freaking disgusting. I am freaking disgusting.

Using our saliva to clean things (and by things I mean, our children) is not sanitary. Yet I do it. You probably do too. “Oh I see you were using a marker today honey. Here, let me put my tongue all over your face and wipe that off for you like a wild animal”… it’s essentially the same thing.

Have you ever found yourself face deep in a diaper and paused for a moment to reflect on what it is you are actually doing? You know, those times you think you smell something foul so you ask your kid if they need a diaper change, but they of course say no? So you then feel compelled to shove your face directly near their bottom anyway to breathe in a big whiff of what you already knew was there from a safer distance? Why? Why do we do this? If you are not careful you put yourself at risk for sucking in a fart…just like a bong hit.

If only my boss could see me at that moment. As a matter of fact, I think I’ll add these skills to my resume. I pride myself on my ability to sniff out bullshit. Oh wait, I’m sorry, did I say bullshit? I meant just plain old shit. I sniff shit on the regular…because that’s not gross right?

Though things may appear repulsive to others, you as a mom are blinded to the reality of the grossness that is motherhood. This is simply a survival mechanism to get us through, because sometimes you just have to roll up your sleeves and dive right into the mess.

SEE THIS GUEST POST ON SCARY MOMMY

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17 thoughts on “Moms Are Gross, Period.

  1. Anonymous says:

    Hilarious!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. momof1and10 says:

    I am sooooo guilty of the sniffing of the diaper. Very funny, had to read it outloud to the hubby!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Right? Dogs do it and we get grossed out…but we do pretty much the same thing! thanks for reading it 🙂

      Like

  3. OMG we speak the same language! Love it! I laughed out loud the entire time and did a few out loud “yes’s.” Every single one, on the daily! I’m disgusting!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Between reading your post about picking up poop and a few others this week I was just thinking, my god…we are gross 😉

      Like

      1. Haha, it’s just the plan old truth! You’re so right… and Lord, if I had a nickel for every booger I’ve ever picked with my bare hands I’d be filthy rich! (Did you catch that….filthy!) LoL

        Liked by 1 person

  4. ambmass129 says:

    Yup, all mom’s are guilty of this. Good article on the gross side of motherhood,with a good sense of humor added! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks, I try not to take myself too seriously 😉

      Like

  5. Gldenton03 says:

    Motherhood is beyond gross starting from pregnancy! The things I do, the stuff I say? It’s like some bizarre alternate universe.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s like we don’t even know who we are anymore! Those gross moments prove how we’d do anything for our kids…absolutely anything. Oh god, I don’t even want to remember the pregnancy! 😉

      Like

  6. Momarch Steph says:

    So funny and so true! Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, and thanks for reading it. I feel better knowing I am not the only gross human on the planet! 🙂

      Like

  7. this is so disgustingly funny and true! I do all of what you mentioned and I don’t care. I really do not know why we don’t get grossed by it, but we don’t and I see that as a super power. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I always wanted to have super powers, Not quite the super hero powers I wished for when I was a kid, but I’ll take it! 😉

      Like

  8. Oooo goodness my sides are aching! So perfectly true, the things we do in the name of Mommyhood 😀

    Like

  9. Yeah…that about sums it up! Lol

    Like

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