If Traffic Had A Face I Would Punch It

When shit gets real you need to talk about it!

Shower Hair Loss

I think I am going to start an Etsy shop selling collectibles made entirely out of hair. Specifically, the clumps of hair that have been abandoning my head since the birth of my daughter.

There seems to be an endless supply of it, because I am not bald yet. So, all things considered, this could deem very profitable for business. Is human hair paraphernalia in high demand? We moms could make a killing. Speaking of killing, on second thought,  it’s probably in our best interest to do background checks on our hair trinket client base. One might question the sanity of anyone willingly purchasing human hair artifacts. There is a high probability they want to use it for voodoo.

Our bodies change after having a kid and there are side effects that are really annoying. One of these awesome side effects is hair loss. If all moms collectively pooled the hair they shed in an average week, together we could knit sweaters for the homeless.

Ok, well, maybe that’s taking it a little too far. It’s funny how hair goes from glorious to grotesque the second it is no longer attached to a body.

Mothers make terrible accomplices. We leave our DNA in the form of hair on everything.

Hair will takeover your home. It’s on your floor, it clogs your drains, it’s wrapped on your baby’s fingers. It’s in your food, it’s on your clothes, it’s in your bra. You will feel it there, wedged between your cleavage, or lack thereof (hair does not discriminate). But that’s not the only crevice your glorious hair will turn up in.

Do you have any idea what it’s like sitting in an important meeting and realizing there is a piece of hair teetering the top of your ass cheeks? Like a mosquito bite that needs to be itched. Sometimes your foul mood will be triggered because you really do have a hair across your ass.

Before children you might have spiced things up with cleverly designed hair in your lady regions.

Moms like myself spice things up by cleverly sticking our head hairs to the walls of the shower, molding them into happy faces for our spouses to see. Plus, spouses really love cleaning hair out of the shower right?


Shower Hair Loss

Good Morning Husband! I’ve left you a creepy shower face.


15 thoughts on “Some Moms Have A Hair Across Their Ass…

  1. Momarch Steph says:

    I HAVE been shedding more than usual lately since baby number 2! …I wonder if it’s stress that causes that to happen…. anyway, great post! It’s very true! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Gldenton03 says:

      Yes! It’s been three years and finally I have a better crop of baby hairs sprouting. Love the glamorous stuff they don’t tell you about child birth.


    2. It’s everywhere and stress definitely makes sense! 🙂


  2. momof1and10 says:

    Hilarious and so true.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes it is. Remember what I said about moms being gross? hehe 😉


  3. Kelly Constantino says:

    Rich asked me the other day if I was on chemo. He said “the amount of hair you lose every day is not normal. ” haha

    Liked by 1 person

    1. haha! Oh my god, Seriously, it IS that bad! The longer my hair the worse it gets 🙂


  4. Loving that little present you left your husband! I should do the same. Is so true hair is every where in the house it has seriously taken over! My hubby hates it. Oh well.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My daughter will yell “oh no it’s Mommy hair!” when it gets stuck on or near her somewhere. She hates it! haha


  5. Cristi G. says:

    I keep getting shorter and shorter hair cuts just to minimize the amount that I have to vacuum up EVERY DAY! My poor husband has actually made a custom hooky thing to clean out the drains in the bathroom just because of my hair. I’ve always said that I could never get away with a crime because they’ll be able to match my DNA in about two seconds!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I need a custom wire hooky thing STAT! 🙂 haha. “Motherhood: the new crime stopper!”


  7. erkenly says:

    I know I am commenting on this late in the game…but I cannot help myself. Hysterical! Unfortunately, I believe I could create an entire hair person…not just the head with what is left in my shower. Disgusting.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Isn’t it so annoying? 🙂 And really, why is it that hair is so glorious while it’s on the head, but then once it separates it’s instantly the grossest thing ever?


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